Hello!

I just thought I’d let you know that Time Rep is 50% off today as part of the 50% off fifty books promotion by the lovely people at Diversion Books. However, as I was writing this, I figured most of you probably already own a copy of Time Rep, so instead of going there to confirm that my book is indeed being sold for half price and then not buying it, why not check out some of the other great books available? Here’s the link: http://www.diversionbooks.com/ebooks/featured

Apparently this promotion is something to do with Cyber Monday, which we don’t have over here in England. What is Cyber Monday anyway? A day when all the robots stop working for a day so everyone appreciates the value they add to the community? Who thinks up this stuff?

In addition to Cyber Monday, I think we should also have the following days:

Electric Tuesday: A day in which everything powered by electricity will only work if connected to an exercise bike. With you pedalling it.

Wednesday Wednesday: A day in which the grammar checker in Microsoft Word stops working so you can’t tell when you’ve written a word twice by mistake.

Turbo Thursday: Adayinwhichpeoplespeakreallyfasttoseeifitmakesthemmoreproductive.

Black Friday: A day in which you feel compelled to beat the hell out of other customers whilst shopping to make sure you get the last discount television. Oh wait – that one already exists, doesn’t it?

Silicon Saturday: A day in which you struggle to think of something funny to do with silicon but keep the name anyway because you like the alliteration.

Sumday Sunday: A day in which all calculators will only allow you to add numbers together.

Right, that’e enough of that. If you don’t yet own a copy of Time Rep (or have downloaded it by narferious means because you couldn’t be bothered to shell out $3.99 for a legitate copy), now is your chance to redeem yourself!

So the results are in, and it turns out Time Rep wasn’t the winner of the Leserpreis 2013. It did manage to come in at 14th out of the 35 finalists though, which I’m pretty pleased about considering it’s only been out in Germany since October 15th. Plus it was up against books by Terry Pratchett and George R. R. R. R. R. R. Martin, so vistory was never really a possibility in my mind! Anyway, I just wanted to thank everyone who voted for me, particularly since the site was one of the most complicated things to navigate if you wanted to cast a vote. Even I didn’t vote for my own book because I got bored of trying to work out how to do it, so that really be saying something…

Anyway, I’m going to stop there because I’m right in the middle of the new book, and I’m sure you’d all rather that was completed as quickly as possible rather than me spending too much time churning out entertaining blog posts! As I said in an earlier post, I will keep the site updated with some amusing ramblings now and again, but it might be a little less frequent as I work on getting the new book over the finish line.

See you soon, and thanks again for all your support!

Yes, you read that correctly – my cat Matilda has just finished reading Note to Self, and has even written a full review of it.

Don’t beleive me? Here are some photos to prove it. She needed help turning the pages but otherwise she managed quite well:

Anyway, here’s Matilda’s review:

Hello there. My name is Matilda and apparently I now review books. I mean really. Anyway, I read Peter’s book called Note to Self and I have to say that I didn’t really like it. The reason I didn’t like it was because there was hardly any mention of birds or string or laps or food in it and those are the only things I find interesting, so in general I found it lacking any kind of appeal for cat readers. I was also quite unhappy at one point because in an early chapter there was another cat in it, and I don’t like other cats. Overall I give it two meows out of sixteen.

UPDATE: Peter has now given me some chicken so I have decided to change my score to three meows out of sixteen.

Well I never – it turns out that the German edition of Time Rep has been nominated for an award – the best sci-fi book of 2013!

I’m still re-reading the e-mail from the organisers to make sure I understand all this correctly, but apparently it’s up for the “Leserpreis”, which is the biggest people’s book award in Germany. Over the past few weeks, more than 15,000 readers had the opportunity to nominate over 4,000 books across 15 different categories, and Time Rep (Or should I say ‘Invaders”) made it to the final!

The next step is for readers to vote for their favourite books until November 28th. On Friday, November 29th, the Leserpreis in Gold, Silver and Bronze will be awarded. So, if you fancy popping over to the website and voting for Invaders, that would be marvellous!

Here’s the link: http://www.lovelybooks.de/leserpreis/2013/science-fiction/

Thanks very much, and wish me luck!

Apologies for not updating my blog so much recently, although I assure you it’s for a good reason – I’ve been spending a lot of time working a new story which I think will appeal to the three people who liked Time Rep. I’m not going to give anything else away for now, but rest assured I am spending a lot of time writing at the moment and hope to have something to show you soon.

In the meantime, I have a few pieces of housekeeping to take care of. First of all, in the hubbub of getting married and going away on honeymoon and buying a carpet cleaner, I completely neglected to say hello to my new readers in Germany, who have just been blessed (or perhaps that should read ‘inflicted’) with the German translation of Time Rep. The publisher decided to change the title to Invaders because apparently Time Rep doesn’t translate particularly well. I do like the cover though – very space-y and with a nice little space invader in the ‘d’:

Secondly, I heard a great joke the other day which I have to share with you. It concerns Thor 2: The Dark World. Are you ready? Here goes:

That’s my new favourite joke at the moment. In case you were wondering, my favourite joke before that one was courtesy of Tim Vine:

And finally, a warning: If you’re out and about in the supermarket this Christmas, you may notice that Pringles have released some limited edition flavours. The sweet cinnamon one is alright, but whatever you do, do not try the mint chocolate flavoured ones. Yes, you read that right – there is a Pringles CRISP that tastes of CHOCOLATE. It is wrong on so many levels I’m almost tempted to write to my MP and see if a law can be passed making it illegal to sell them. You have been warned!

I think that’s all for now. I will try and keep this blog updated with new entries as best I can, but if I’m gone a little longer than usual, it will be because I’m working on the new book.

Until next time!

Sorry I’ve been away for so long – Lucy and I got married on the 12^th October, and two days after that I took her on a surprise honeymoon to Hawaii for 8 days, which she was very happy about. Whilst we were away, I switched my phone off, didn’t check any e-mails, didn’t look at how the books were doing, in fact we completely cut ourselves off from the outside world, and it was magical. Hawaii is a wonderful place, and it was by far the best holiday we’ve ever been on. We only got back yesterday after a 24-hour journey, and after catching up on what happened in The Great British Bake Off (the first priority once we got home), we both went to bed and slept for 15 hours.

In case you’re interested, here are some holiday snaps of me looking very English and not knowing how I should be dressed in a tropical climate:

So here are the top things I learnt from travelling to Hawaii:

1)      Walking along the beach in your bare feet is wonderful, until you realise it’s midday and the sand is boiling hot.

2)      Wearing socks in Hawaii is just stupid.

3)      Wearing jeans in Hawaii is just stupid.

4)      A 1 litre bottle of Mountain Dew has 120g of sugar in it, which I only realised after I drank the whole thing and went on a sugar-high rampage.

5)      If you have pale skin and look awkward and English, it’s impossible not to look like an awkward, pale-skinned English tourist.

6)      Applying factor 110 suntan lotion every two hours still isn’t enough to stop you from burning in the midday sun.

7)      The are at least 55 ABC stores within a one mile radius of where you are standing, and they all sell exactly the same thing.

8)      Everyone in Hawaii is ridiculously friendly and chilled out, but then I suppose you would be if you lived somewhere that beautiful.

9)      The portion sizes in Red Lobster restaurants are massive.

10)  I can handle about ten bottles of Hawaiian beer before attempting to take my shorts off over my head.

11)  You can’t take your shorts off over your head.

12)  Everyone on the coast stops to watch the sunset, and even gives it a round of applause. Well done Sun!

13)  My feet do not agree with flip flops that have the bit that goes between the big toe and the toe next to it.

14)  The buffet breakfast at the Trump International Hotel can sustain a person for two days.

15)  I’m useless at working out which American coins are which.

16)  You get asked for ID when you order a beer. It makes you feel young again until you realise it’s the law to ask everyone for ID no matter how old they look.

17)  There are more than five stars in the sky at night, which is all you can see in London.

18)  Aloha! It’s a nice word.

19)  My book isn’t sold in any bookshop in Hawaii. And I really looked hard.

20)  Swimming in the sea and then seeing a massive sea turtle next to you is awe-inspiring. And they nibble things.

21)  Luggage does its own thing. Like staying behind at an airport you’re flying home from.

So there you have it. We really had a fabulous time, and I strongly recommend Hawaii if you’re thinking of going somewhere to chill out and relax. However, if you want to go somewhere to get all angry and stressed out, don’t bother going, because it’s impossible.

… and you can check it out by clicking here. If you like.

Enjoy!

Why, buying Time Rep at half the normal price obviously, which you can now do this weekend at Barnes and Noble by clicking here! And then clicking on the book. And then buying it. Simple!

Once you’ve bought it, you’ll need to read it as well of course, because the buying part on its own probably isn’t that much fun. I buy things all the time, and it’s rubbish – it’s using the thing that I’ve bought that’s the good bit. So to clarify, buying Time Rep at half price isn’t the most fun you can have for under $2, but reading it most certainly is. Maybe. You’ll also need to enjoy comedy time travel mysteries full of nerdy references and jokes about supermarket conveyor belts, because if you don’t, you’re not going to like it much. It might help if you like computer games and seagulls as well, but if you don’t you’ll probably still have fun with it.

Probably.

Anyway, that was it, just a quick note to let you know in a very long-winded way that Time Rep is now on a half price promotion at Barnes and Noble. Hooray!

Q: I hear you’ve done an interview recently…

Me: Yep.

Q: What’s it about?

Me: Stuff about writing and things. And Note to Self.

Q: Is it a good interview?

Me: Oh yes, It’s really good.

Q: Really?

Me: Yes, really. Why do you ask?

Q: Because this interview is rubbish.

Me: I see.

Q: Is it more interesting than this interview?

Me: Yes.

Q: You Sure?

Me: Yes, I’m sure!

Q: Do you answer their questions using more than one word?

Me: Yes.

Q: Can you provide a link to the interview for anyone who isn’t put off by the way you’ve answered these questions?

Me: Of course! Click here to read it!

Those lovely people at Barnes and Noble have selected Note to Self to be a nook first! This means that they will be featuring the book on the front page of their website, highlighting it as something for people to try if they are interested in seeing stuff from new authors. Being on the nook first program is really great, as it helps give exposure to new authors that they might not necessarily acheive otherwise, unless they are stupidly rich and can afford to spend ludicrous sums of money on advertising. I am not stupidly rich (I’m just stupid), so all I have to rely in terms of publicity is word of mouth from readers who enjoy my books, and little gifts like this from big retailers. So thanks very much Barnes and Noble – I’ll send you some chocolate in the post! Actually I won’t because it might get damaged.

So apparently, the book goes live as a nook first on Saturday. Now, I know what you’re thinking – it is Saturday already, so surely I should know whether it’s on the website by now, right? Well, it might be Saturday for you, but I’m actually writing this on Thursday night and scheduling it to go out on Saturday using some automic forward sheduling button thing on the wordpress dashboard, because I’m away for the next few days, and won’t have a chance to write anything on the day. So ner to you.

As well as featuring Note to Self on their website, Barnes and Noble also do a number of other things to publicise the book: they mention it in a blog that goes out to all nook users, they advertise it on their nook e-readers, and they also arrange a flypast over all the capital cities of the world, with the title of the book and a photograph of me trailing behind hundreds of planes on 50-foot banners. Nice huh? Oh wait – they dont’ do that last one. But it’s still fantastic.

Here’s the link:

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/note-to-self-peter-ward/1116912614?ean=2940148388562