Author of Time Rep and Note To Self

Could you be a Time Rep?

Well could you? Take the questionnaire below and find out!

1) How many friends do you have?

a) Hundreds. I’m more popular than Kevin Bacon

b) Only a few. I like to have a few close friends, and that’s it

c) None. I’m less popular than someone who doesn’t like Kevin Bacon

2) What car do you drive?

a) A BWM 6 series. It’s got a 650i six cylinder engine

b) A red one

c) I don’t have a car

3) What is your current occupation?

a) I’m a mega successful, high-flying city worker

b) I work in a zoo

c) I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that you might realise I don’t have a job

4) Why do you want to be a Time Rep?

a) To be famous and have lots of sex with other Time Reps at sexy Time Rep parties

b) What’s a Time Rep?

c) I don’t want to be a Time Rep actually

5) How off-putting would it be if we said you don’t actually get paid for being a Time Rep?

a) Er… pardon?

b) Pretty off-putting

c) Meh, whatever – I don’t want the job anyway

6) In the event of a universe-ending paradox threatening to destroy the very fabric of existence, what would you do?

a) Have sex with someone

b) Hide in a bush

c) Maybe try and stop it from happening?

7) Have you ever owned a Ben Sherman shirt?

a) I’m wearing one right now

b) Yes

c) A what?

8) If you found out that you were one of the most insignificant people that had ever lived, what would your reaction be?

a) I’d say there must be some sort of mistake. I’m a bit of a big deal around the office you know

b) I’m not that bothered – I have my friends and family and that’s all that counts

c) Tell me something I don’t know

9) What kind of tea do you drink?

a) Long Island Iced Tea, with all my banker chums down the bar after a long day on the golf course

b) Herbal tea, in a cup made from dried rosemary, recycled CD cases and twigs

c) They make more than one kind of tea?

10) What do you want out of life?

a) Fame, lots of sex, enormous wealth, more sex

b) I just want to have a nice life with good friends and family around me

c) No idea. I’m more confused about what I should be doing than a protestor at an anti-protest protest rally

How did you do?

Mostly a)’s: Sorry, this job is definitely not for you. Go back to the Corney & Barrow in Paternoster Square and order another Martini

Mostly b)’s: You seem like a nice, well rounded person with a good attitude towards life and a decent moral upbringing. This job is definitely not for you.

Mostly c)’s: You’re hired! Now, how would you react if we told you we were from the future?

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