So this is a new thing for me, having a website with photos and stuff about who I am. Apparently you’ve got to do it these days, because every author has a website, and if you don’t, your readers get all confused and end up walking into each other and falling over because there isn’t a “go to” place for them to find out more about you. You also have to be on Facebook and Twitter, because if you’re not, you might as well seal your books in concrete and drop them to the bottom of the ocean where no-one can find them. I’m new to the world of social media as well, so you’ll have to bear with me as I find my feet.

You see, I’m quite a private person really. Yes, I like to talk to people through my books, but beyond that I start to feel a little uncomfortable opening up. This isn’t because I’m particularly shy, but more because I can’t imagine why anyone would be interested in what I’m up to or what I think about on a day to day basis. So I feel a bit embarrassed at the prospect of pontificating in 140 characters or less, or putting a photo up of me at a party. At the same time, I don’t want to become one of those people who tweets things for the sake of it like “I think I’ll wear odd socks today LOLOLOLOL!!!!”

So in order to maintain the right balance and reconcile my feelings about all this, I’ve decided to come up with a few rules for myself. Some Do’s and Don’ts. These will govern everything on this site, along with all my interactions with social media. Let’s begin:

1)      Do be self-deprecating as much as possible, because you’re really, really good at that.

2)      Don’t use the phrase “going forward…”

3)      …Or the word “actioned.”

4)      Do talk about things people might find useful, like writing techniques, ways to formulate ideas for stories, etc.

5)      Do read everything you write out loud before posting it – particularly tweets. If you sound like a cock, don’t post it.

6)      Don’t lean your chin on your hands in any photographs…

7)      …Or wear anything red.

8)      Don’t mention that you play piano because people won’t care about that.

9)      Do drip feed unexpected facts about yourself over time to maintain interest, like the one about going to the arctic.

I’m sure there will be more to follow, but let’s go with these for now. If you ever see me breaking any of these rules, my cat and business partner Matilda (pictured below) handles all complaints, so please contact her.